3 Kids and a Breakdown

The New Normal

Trish — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 17:25:09 +0000

Hey! How’s everyone doing? Have you missed me? I’m doing well, but still a little woozy and weening off the pain meds. It’s easy to get used to a little oxy and vodka in the evenings. Kidding! For the most part.

Anyway, today I am excited to have my friend, Garron guest post today. He doesn’t have children but he recently had an experience that I think all parents will be interested in. We all want to teach our children about tolerance, the evils of judgment and ridicule, right? So grab your coffee, sit back and read about the unwelcome surprises a person can recieve when they alter their appearance. Then give Garron some feedback in the comments. He’s a good guy, married to a fantastic lady. Also? He has a killer beer collection and has been known to do great things with vodka.

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My name is Garron Karabelnik and I own a small computer consulting firm in San Diego called G Squared Computing. I’m approaching 40 and I’m always looking for new experiences in life, often the more extreme the better. I was chatting with my wife one day about needing a haircut and mentioned that perhaps I’d just shave it off and get a Mohawk. She laughed and expressed her disbelief that I’d do such a thing and for some reason it really stuck a cord with me.

This idea of doing something so crazy just kept rattling in my brain long enough to put the pieces together of a social experiment using this as a basis. I was very curious how three different groups of people would react to the Mohawk; people that know me, people that are only visually acquainted with me and strangers. Of course the WAF (wife acceptance factor) was critical to this so I surprised her when she walked in the door by standing there with a stern look on my face. Her first reaction was a double take, followed almost immediately by giggling like a schoolgirl and then insisting on rubbing my head. For the next few days at least I could depend on keeping her in the fold with a stern look which always seemed to crack her up.

I’d like to report that people that knew me were overwhelmingly supportive; and the reality was most were. There were certainly a few holdouts however – most of which my wife got to deal with via text message directly to her who seemed to think I had either gone nuts or was having a mid-life crisis; I’m also sure some of the supportive people were privately thinking the same. There was a definite distinction between in-person reactions from real life friends and their reactions on the internet. In person was overwhelmingly supportive while on the internet it was considerably more split – in fact the bulk of the messages to the wife mentioned above came from real life friends who only saw pictures.

Next were the people that only visually know me, for instance people I pass while running almost every morning. I run a very similar route 3 weekday mornings by myself or with my usual running partner and we pass the same people almost every day. Generally we are all friendly and say hi to each other in passing or wave. The very first morning I was out running with the new haircut we only passed one person – however that person lives in my complex reasonably close to me and we have always waved and said hello in the past both in the complex and while running; this morning I got neither – I was quite surprised that his eyes glanced at us and then slid by and he passed in silence to my wave and normal hello.

The people who don’t know me at all were the real telling blows – the reactions from the moment I walked out from getting the cut they started. I watched people in the parking lot take small detours to walk around me instead of past me and none seemed capable of looking me in the eye or saying hello even in response to my friendly nod and spoken greeting. We went out multiple times over the next week to see if this response would hold and in general people would walk by me never making eye contact and not saying hello even in response to me. Restaurant staff generally did pretty well with it, though even they had trouble with eye contact at first but would loosen up soon enough.

I realize none of this should truly be a shock to me, but I can’t help worry about what kind of world children are growing up in. I was hoping we were moving beyond cover and snap judgments – and now I worry if we are it’s simply not fast enough. If we react this way to a haircut how do we not have similar reactions to tattoos and piercings? If we react to those where do we draw the line, I suspect we will react in kind to skin color, handicaps, sexual orientations amongst others. These are behaviors that children will learn from our reactions and pass down to their children. I’d like to hope that we can learn to judge people from who they are inside and if we don’t know them how about we give them the benefit of the doubt and teach our children that instead?

Good reads

Trish — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 06:13:04 +0000

I have read some great books recently and thought I’d list them here for you. I’m not up to writing reviews or synopsis so I will link to them instead. Happy reading! And please share your book recommendations in the comments.

The Good House by Ann Leary

Golden Boy by Abigail Tarttelin

Schroder by Amity Gaige

Constance by Patrick McGrath

The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry by Rachel Joyce

Heart of Palm by Laura Lee Smith

The Round House by Louise Erdrich

The Burn Palace by Stephen Dobyns

Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingslover

Follow me on Good Reads and don’t forget to vote for me for WomensForum.com Expert Blogger. Thanks!

Hormones and uteruses – a guest post

Trish — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 13:55:48 +0000

While I am recuperating, a friend and fan of te blog, who shall be known as Mammina, will be entertaining you with her wit and charm. She has FOUR kids and is nearing a breakdown.

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Ok, so while Trish is having her pipes worked on, I’m here to keep you company. Despite the fact that she’s under the knife and pumped up like balloon full of CO2 (laparoscopic, wheee!), I can tell you she’ll be fine. I had my plumbing overhauled about 6 years ago, and that part is no sweat. Like Trish, I kept my ovaries, and oh my heck are they still working–like too well. I positively melt at the sight of a baby, any baby, human or otherwise. Then, it’s like an all-out endocrine vs. brain war:

“No, I don’t. I have four! FOUR! That’s plenty! And they’re almost all in school! All in school!!!”

“A baby! All sweet and soft and cuddly…”

“Tempting as that may be, I do NOT want to reset the clock on the timeline here.”

“Baby, baby, baby. BABY!”

“Ugh. I hear you. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this one

I love my babies, but I love myself, too. I am so ready to move into this next part of my life. Y’know, the one where for at least some portion of the day I get more than 3.29 minutes without an interruption. The one where I actually get to go to the bathroom entirely alone. The one where my needs get to rise up beside theirs. I have been ready for this for a while. At least, my brain has. I’d even had my tubes tied years before the hyster(ical)ectomy. My ovaries just missed the memo, I guess.

While she’s down, let be sure we keep an eye on Trish’s stats on the Women’s Forum Expert Blogger contest. There’s another contender whose team might be as devoted as we are. It’s been close the last day or so (and Trish even slipped into second for a bit). So, let’s keep up the click-love.

Na na na na hey hey goodbye

Trish — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 21:48:09 +0000

Well, tomorrow is the big day! I’m having a hysterectomy!! Woot! Woot! Keeping the ovaries and tubes so I’ll still be a hormonal mess who ovulates, but it’s better than going right into menopause and being a giant hormonal mess who doesn’t ovulate. Right?

I have no idea how I’m going to be feeling the next couple of weeks – I may not be posting or I may be hopped up on dope (aka pain meds) and blogging all sorts of things. Who knows?! But just in case I am not around, that will be why.

While I’m gone please keep voting for me for Women’s Forum‘s Next Top Bloggers

vote now!

I know I have a big lead, but shit happens, people. Keep voting!

OK, so here are the things I will NOT miss when my uterus is gone:

Periods, blood clots, cramps, tampons, and maxi pads
Having a separate drawer for period underwear (cotton grandma panties with blood stains)
Back aches
Exhaustion

What I’m most looking forward to?

New underwear and lots of unprotected sex! Kidding. Big Daddy had a vasectomy almost 5 years ago.

Summer bucket list

Trish — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 15:53:58 +0000

This is our summer bucket list so far. I’m sure it’s going to be amended frequently over the coming weeks. School is out next Wednesday, June 12th at 10:50am. I’m not sure I’m ready.

Zoo This one is mine because I have yet to go to the zoo here! The big girls have gone with friends and on field trips. Poor Jemima hasn’t been to a zoo since she was a year old.
Nature Bridge This is where Zeta spent Outdoor Ed a few weeks ago. She liked it so much she wants to go back.
Rock climbing
Sleepovers
Roller rink
Rock wall Not at all sure how this differs from rock climbing, but we are getting a new indoor climbing place on the island. That’s where I’m planning to go
Walk dogs Yes, my daughter wants to spend her summer walking dogs. So, neighbors, please do Zeta (and me) a solid and ask her to walk your dog. She’ll do it for free! And the for the sheer joy of the experience. Thank you.
Go camping We have reservations for a camp site on Whidbey Island next month.
Jump off dock Yes, my kid really, really wants to jump off a dock. She must have seen this on a movie or something.
Outdoor movies in our backyard as well as the public ones at the Waterfront Park. We have a projector, we just need a screen.
Host a BBQ party

What’s on your summer bucket list?

A whine, a rant, a bitch and a moan and some gratitude

Trish — Thu, 30 May 2013 14:55:27 +0000

Dudes! A LOT is going on. When is it not when you have 3 kids, right? (Or any amount of kids for that matter. Kid(s) = a lot going on). It’s almost the end of the school year (Yay! and OMG, I’m not ready!), which means a lot of crap going on with school. Projects and field trips, which require permission slips and checks, year-end classroom parties, end-of-year teacher gifts . . . you know what I’m talking about. And this year, my big girl is graduating from grade school (I don’t understand how this is possible. She was just born a month ago).

The end of the school year also means the end of the Girl Scouts year. Which means I have to balance the troop checking account and fill out the year-end paper work. (Thank fucking Jesus this is the last goddamned time I will be doing this). Listen, I’m sure this is an easy task for most people, but I’m special. I can’t do math, y’all. On top of that I’m The Most Unorganized Person you’ll have ever come into contact with. So this is going to be a bitch. My own fault and so I can’t really complain. But then that means I can feel bad and beat myself up for once again not staying on top of it all year and getting the shit done and done right. But, that’s a waste of time to. So I’m just going to dive in and get it done now and hand it in on time. (I might sound calm and confident or at least resigned to this, but I’m shitting myself).

Then there is my health situation. And omg let me say right off, it could be way worse. WAY FUCKING worse. I know that. I’m fortunate beyond measure. But still, I gotta bitch a little bit and have a pity party for a day or so. I am having the last period I will ever have. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I’ve been getting my period every month (except when pregnant and breastfeeding) for 33 years. I was not one of those girls who got her first period and for 2 – 3 years would get one a few times a year. I was not one of those girls who had a period for 3 days and barely changed a tampon. No. I was 11, had my period for 8 days, bled like a stuck pig, passed blood clots the size of my palm and was anemic. And it only got worse from there! Thank modern medicine for birth control pills and pain killers. So yipppee that shit’s coming out. I’m having a partial (keeping my ovaries) hysterectomy next Friday. But right now? Right now I’m bleeding like a stuck pig, passing blood clots the size of my palm and am doubled over in pain despite the pain killers. So as far as I’m concerned, next Friday can’t come fast enough!

What’s that? This entire paragraph was TMI? Too fucking bad.

On top of that, I’ve got shingles. Shingles? I thought only old people got that shit. Turns out stress can bring it on. Now, I already said the health situation could be way worse and here’s a perfect example of that. I have one sore. One. Because I found it and knew it wasn’t anything good and immediately went to the doc. She immediately diagnosed me and put me on meds. So while this one sore is burning like a mother fucker, it’s the only one I have and after two days on meds is a whole lot better. But still I can feel sorry for myself a little bit, right?

We are also (always) attempting to paint the downstairs, the guest room and to organize the shit outta this crazy house! My bestie and her family are coming in a month and while they don’t give a shit really about the state of the painting or what is or is not hung on the walls, I’d like the house to look good, you know? Also, we’ve lived here for 2.5 years. It’s time to hang shit on the walls, dontcha think? And it’s beyond time to paint over those ugly pink walls and ceilings.

OK, now for the good shit that’s going on!! My little social media marketing business is taking off. I have acquired a couple new clients and I have been an instructor at a couple workshops here on the island. That experience really helped me with my fear of public speaking, let me tell you. Face your fears, people. And because those couple workshops went so well, I was asked to team with 3 other social media experts to teach an on-going series of classes beginning next week. Yikes! I’m so excited about that.

However, it means figuring out what to do with 3 young children while I’m prepping for the classes I’ll be teaching/co-teaching and teaching those classes. Which stresses me out. Although, I’m trying to not let it because I have an AMAZING community with people stepping up left, right and center with offers of help. So it’s all going to work out, right? Right! And because of this, I am so grateful.

These amazing friends of mine have signed up to deliver my family and I dinner in the weeks I’m recovering from surgery; they have offered to watch my girls the day of surgery; and to pick Jemima up from school the afternoon of our first workshop. So what the hell am I even worried about?

How lucky am I?

Official start of summer

Trish — Tue, 28 May 2013 15:03:04 +0000

How was your Memorial Day Weekend? Did you put some food on the grill? Go swimming? Head to the beach? Yeah, there wasn’t much of that action here. It was a little cool and rainy all weekend. But you know what? I didn’t really mind. Any excuse to stay in bed, read and watch movies.

It wasn’t all lazing about, however. We did manage a garage sale. Which was really a front steps sale due to the rain. We couldn’t put books, DVD’s and video games out on the lawn to be ruined by the rain. And there was no way in hell we could set up in the garage.

We managed to sell a few things and the rest I bagged and boxed up and will deliver to the Goodwill truck today. We used our proceeds on Thai take-out.

Big Daddy got to work painting our living room. I have mentioned a time or two that the entire house, including the ceilings, is painted pink. Pink! Ugh. We hate it. But you know, it’s slow going painting. I’m thrilled that he managed to paint 3 coats of white on the ceiling yesterday. Now I can get started on the walls!! And we can hang pictures. I’ve been putting it off, wanting to paint first.

We watched a really good documentary on Netflix called The Woman Who Wasn’t There. It was absolutely riveting! A woman pretended to be a survivor of 9/11 and got away with it for years. We also watched Looper. It was pretty good. A definite rental, if you know what I mean. I also managed to read “The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry” and “Constance” Both of them are really good.

Last night I went to see The Great Gatsby with a good friend. It was good, but there were a few too many Baz Luhrmann moments, if you know what I mean. But overall I do recommend it. I thought it was well acted by a good cast.

While it didn’t feel much like the start of summer, it was a perfect weekend. What did you do?

Video games can suck it

Trish — Sat, 25 May 2013 17:47:21 +0000

I do not know why my girls love playing video games so much. The entire time they are screaming and yelling at each other. This is all I hear:

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“STOP ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!”

“Your stupid brain can’t handle it!”

“Why would you do that? Are you an idiot?”

“You just killed me, dummy!”

“Just stop right now!”

And all the while whoever isn’t talking is crying and shrieking and yelling “Shut up.” Throughout it all Jemima is screeching, “Where’s the ‘troller?!”

How is this fun?

Are you prepared?

Trish — Mon, 20 May 2013 14:24:14 +0000

There are only 16.5 school days left until summer break – but who’s counting? Are you ready? Have you formulated your plan to keep your kids entertained and out of your hair?

I’m working on my plans. I’ve got them all signed up for two camps each; we have a campsite booked for mid-July at beautiful Deception Pass (really hoping friends join us so their kids can occupy my kids and we’ll have drinking buddies). The girls are going to make a list of the things they’d like to do this summer and I am going to try my best to cross them all off.

My social media business is taking off so I plan to hire a babysitter to entertain the kids a few hours a week while I work. I think that will be a nice break for us all.

Big Daddy will be traveling a lot in August so I’ll probably drink an extra lot that month and invite friends over to help me cope with all the kid time.

And I’m thinking the little shits my surprise me and we may have a really fun summer together. Miracles do happen, right?

Abercrombie & Fitch: who gives a shit?

Trish — Wed, 15 May 2013 15:28:39 +0000

OK, I’m just going to say it although I’ll probably get a lot of shit for this. I don’t understand why everyone is so pissed off at Abercrombie & Fitch. That’s their brand. That’s their thing. They sell cute, over-priced clothes to skinny young things with money. Who cares? Why is that offensive? I’m not offended I can’t afford a Ferrari. And let me tell you, their CEO may not say it, but they don’t want an over-weight 44-year-old lady who doesn’t have 6 figures to drop on a car driving one. And I’m ok with that. I won’t fit into A&F’s clothes and I’m ok with that too. I’m not their target consumer. My feelings aren’t hurt.

Are people boycotting Lane Bryant because they don’t carry a size 2? Are you offended jock straps don’t come in pink? I don’t understand this way of thinking. Why don’t we all boycott the companies that harm our communities like Wal-Mart? Put your time and energy into making changes that matter. Listen, the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch is a dick. No question. But he’s not destroying businesses, refusing to give his employees a living wage or healthcare.

I think we need to focus on what matters and not be so offended because some dickhead isn’t into average – large women over 22. Just my humble opinion.