Cherish

There have been a lot of times over the last several weeks that I have thought about how great next fall will be. Because Jemima will be in kindergarten and all three girls will be out of the house all day.

I will finally be able to get back to ME. And discover who that is and what I want to be. I will finally be able to have peace and quiet. And time.  No one saying “Mama! Mama! Mama?!” every five minutes. No one begging to be taken to the park or the library or “somewhere fun.”  No hours spent reading the same books over and over. No painting done at my kitchen table.

Then this morning I got back into bed after I had sent the big girls off into the world. And there was Jemima cuddled up looking so sweet. And, as always when I look at one of my children sleeping, my heart ached with love for her. I was filled with joy at the wonder of her and how she came to be mine.

And it hit me. I will miss her immensely when she goes off to school. When she starts to spend more of her waking hours with other people. When her friends and teachers start to have more influence over her than I do.

I will miss this sweet little girl jumping into my lap and imploring “One more book, Mama?” Looking up at me with those big brown eyes and asking to paint. Making me laugh as she skips off the library or monkey bars.

So instead of using this next year as a countdown to my freedom, I’m going to (try to) enjoy every moment. To make happy memories for the both of us.