Burly Q Tips for You

OMG, I had so much fun on Saturday at Miss Indigo Blue’s Academy of Burlesque!

In addition to all that fun, I got some fantastic practical tips for walking in heels (and standing).  Thank you, Waxy Moon!

Elsa Von Schmaltz was a fantastic instructor. Not only did she teach us how to twirl our tassels and how to tease, but she gave us a brief history of burlesque (Did you know men started burlesque hundreds of years ago? And that burlesque means to mock or make fun of something? Me either!)

Things I learned in tassel twirling:

• All women are beautiful
• The size of the boobs is not at all correlated to the ability to make your tassels twirl
• It’s a lot of fun to be in a room full of topless women all trying to make their tassels twirl
• Little, fast bounces if you want those things to twirl. Otherwise, they just swing side-to-side
• If you want those pasties to stick, but not hurt coming off, use double-sided carpet tape. Want to have a little fun (particularly if you live in a small town)? Walk into your local hardware store, ask where the double-sided carpet tape is located, and when the friendly hardware man asks you what you are going to use it for say, “I’m gonna stick some shit to my tits and I don’t want it to fall off.”

Things I learned in the art of the tease:

• Big, exaggerated facial expressions make it very, very fun. Also? You. Can’t. Go. To. Slow. There’s a reason it’s called “tease.” Slow down.
• Taking off a glove or a boa can be very, very erotic

How to Walk in Heels

• Ladies, warm up before you wear heels! Who knew? Flex and point your toes; circle your ankles, and most importantly do a little ab work. A few sit-ups and crunches before you put your heels on. Seriously. Makes all the difference.
• Short strides
• Keep feet close together, but don’t do the tight rope walk
• Shoulders back
• Chest out
• Chin up
• Abs zipped up
• Loosen your hips and let them move a bit. Not a full-on swing, but let them go naturally
• Tiny bend in the knee. A kiss, as Waxy Moon taught me.
• When standing, put your feet in a T formation and shift your weight from time to time

How to Strip for Your Man

• Choose your music. It can be anything. Really.
• Practice! Practice! Practice!
• Have a goal!
• Take your time.
• Put your lover at ease. Sit him down and tell him.her no touching. Tell him/her to just watch and have fun
• Have fun!
• Laugh and smile and engage

I really want to take the 6 week Burlesque 101 course! Super fun and empowering in a way I never expected. If you are interested in learning more watch the documentary “A Wink and A Smile” It’s all about Burlesque 101.