Go Easy, Guy

You guys, I am completely strung out on the celebrity gossip site, The Superficial.  I have been for years. Not only because I’m one of those people who’s interested in what the celebs are up to and what they’re wearing, and how big their baby bumps are and who’s zoomin who, but because the writer of The Superficial is funny as hell, quirky and the humor is pretty smart. I mean sometimes I read his one-liners and wish I’d written them.

But lately he’s been bringing me down and pissing me off. First he got on his high horse about Ryan Dunn‘s alcohol-induced car crash which resulted in his death. Dude, I don’t come to your website for lectures and moral or political grand-standing. I can read the New York Times or The Huffington Post for that.  Or show up at a high school for a M.A.D.D. lecture.

And now? Well now the little fuck has started calling perfectly attractive women with fantastic bodies messes! For example, today he said that Reese Witherspoon’s body has been wrecked by pregnancy. Because she’s sporting the tiniest of bellies.  Here, take a look.  It goes so well with those little thighs she’s got there too.  He also recently said that Julia Roberts “looks fucking terrible in a bikini.” Um, look at the pictures! She looks great in a bikini! Period. Never mind she’s carried twins and a singleton. Never mind she’s 44. The woman looks great!

It’s getting to me. I admit it. And I’m sure it’s because I’m 42 and have a body ravaged by pregnancy, pop tarts and vodka. But still. He’s too harsh. He’s got to lighten up! Or at least preface these critiques with the fact that these women never had an ounce of fat or cellulite on them so now even 5lbs of belly and a little cheese on the ass is a big deal. I mean let’s put this shit in perspective. The average 40-something mother would love to look like either of these women!

So dude, please go back to being funny and writing about how Lindsay Lohan and her mom Dina did shots at Kim Kardashian’s wedding. And forgo the mean commentary on movie stars’ bods. Thank you.