Brunch, BJ’s and Cock Rings Or How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Let’s recap the vacation so far, shall we?

I got loaded and got into a heated political discussion fight with my best friend

I got drunk at a brunch hosted by my best friend where I may or may not have told a total stranger (who happens to be my dear friend’s brand new boyfriend) that I’d sit on his face later.  (Other things may have  gone on during the brunch that involve me and Big Daddy, but won’t be mentioned here because I’m not looking to get divorced)

I played bartender at a dinner hosted at my best friend’s house and got myself and a few others pretty tipsy. We had a delicious dinner al fresco because it doesn’t rain in San Diego and you can do things like that in late June. Amazing!  We had a ton of fun, but then got a little bit serious (in our tipsy states) and talked about how we are evolving and making really great and amazing changes in our lives. I may or may not have cried a little bit when asked a really profound, Dr. Phil type question (I don’t cry, people! Not in front of anyone! Anyone not Big Daddy, that is. Or maybe my kids when they push me too far).

I was forced to pack up and leave the beach where I was meeting JR and his son because my older girls, especially the oldest, were falling apart. (our friendship might be on the rocks. Kids ruin everything) Bratty, whiney, complaining about the sand, the sun, the breeze, the temperature of the water and their sunburns. I may have lost my cool and scolded them a little too sternly.  So then I felt like crap when I realized how over-tired they were from sleepovers the night before. And that their little shoulders and backs were sunburned.

I attended a cocktail party with some super fun and close friends where there may or may not have been cock, excuse me, penis rings handed out as party favors (there were! there definitely were!). My lovely and gracious host was merely trying to get some cute, fun rings for us but when the box arrived she realized they were a little extra fun. (And we all may have taken several home with us for our spouses to test drive. Not me, of course. I’d never do anything like that! I draw the line at offering to sit on stranger’s faces and giving BJ’s during brunch.) We may have discussed who prefers to wear thongs and who prefers granny panties (I may have flashed my whale tale); we might have talked about our breasts post babies and how my reduction/lift was worth every penny; there may have been an inordinate amount of laughing and then we may have totally switched gears and debated the offensiveness of the word “retard.”

I’ve got 24 hours before I have to load up the van and head back up to Seattle. I’ll let you know what damage I manage to do in that time.  Cheers!