7 Going on 17

OMG! I don’t know what the hell has gotten into my oldest girl, but I’d like to shake it right out of her. She’s so mouthy and moody and mean! I was expecting this sort of thing when she was a teenager, but not at seven. Seriously, she storms out of a room, stomps up the stairs and slams her door. She calls us names like stupid and jerk and sometimes stupid jerk. Us! Her mother and father! Are you kidding me? She mouths off for no good reason. This morning I innocently asked her what she was looking for when she was clearly having some sort of fit. She told me it was none of my concern and then shut the door. Loudly. WTF? None of my concern? Is she kidding me with this? Of course we punish her, sit her down and talk to her, threaten her, take things away from her, etc. All to no avail. Did I mention she’s also extremely stubborn and willful?

Now please do not point your finger at me. Yes, I’m her mother and possibly we share a few of these traits. But? I’m raising her sisters the same way and the almost 6 year old does not speak to us like that. Or throw fits and attitude around like her big sister. No, there is only so much nurturing can do. Some of this crap they’re born with and it’s not so easy to re-program the little shits. Trust me, I’ve been trying since she was 2.

I’ve read books, I’ve watched Super Nanny. I even attended a parenting class that was a complete waste of time and money. (Note to self: never take a parenting class from a woman who isn’t a parent.) You know what I love about the books? They let me know I’m not alone. Seriously. The main reason I keep buying them or checking them out of the library is to make myself feel better. Maybe she’s not a monster who will soon start torturing small animals and work her way up to family members.  You know what I hate about these books? They don’t work in real life! Sure, sure. If I could possibly stay calm each and every time she pulls some crap and get down to her level and speak to her in a neutral but firm voice, perhaps she’d be perfectly behaved at all times. But? I’m human! I can only take so much of a 7 year old screaming at me, calling me stupid and slamming doors in my face.  And? She doesn’t just accept what we tell her like the kids in the book. She keeps pushing and negotiating and maneuvering.  Maybe if I had 3 hours and no other children I could keep putting her in her naughty chair until she stays without moving or talking for 10 minutes.  Super Nanny doesn’t have any kids either. Big Surprise.

I love my Zeta. I really, really do. She’s a lot of fun, has a wicked sense of humor and is really bright. I just wish she’d use her precociousness, charm and power of persuasion for good. Or on someone else. I’ve been saying since she was 3 that I think I’d love to hang out with her and have a couple martinis with her if she were 30 years older. Parenting her? Not so much.

Sassy McSassypants