Get the Isopropyl

If you’ve seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding you will remember how her father believed Windex was the cure for everything.  And if you are familiar with Chris Rock’s stand up routines you will know that his family used Tussin for whatever was ailing them. My husband was raised to believe Alka Seltzer was the miracle cure all.  That stuff is straight up nasty! My family never used that and I put it off for years. Until finally nothing else was working and my husband made me.  I wasn’t that impressed. I think I could boil a grapefruit and drink the juice and have the same results without the gag reflex.  I swear, every single time my mother-in-law has visited us in the last 12 years, she’s needed the Alka Seltzer.  My mom? Big believer in really strange home brews and Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream. They discontinued that for awhile and women everywhere lost their minds. So Elizabeth Arden quickly brought it back. Repackaged, restyled and at a higher price. My mother referred to it as “healing cream” so that ought to tell you how she felt about the stuff.  I haven’t seen that stuff in 20 years, but I can still smell it. My mom put that on everything and anything. I never broke a bone, but I’m sure she would have rubbed the Elizabeth Arden cream on it just as Chris Rock’s dad poured Tussin on his broken leg.

So what do I use as the cure-all in our house? Aquaphor. Before I had a child I never knew this stuff existed. Now I don’t think I could live without it. They gave it to me in the hospital after I had my babies. I put it on their little bums but also on my cracked nipples. It works for everything.  Your sister scratched you? Put some Aquaphor on it? Your lips are sunburned, windburned, chapped? A little Aquaphor will fix that right up. You’ve got a bug bite you can’t stop itching? Well slap a little Aquaphor on there. Third degree burns? Sliced your finger off? Get the Aquaphor! Seriously, it’s great for everything. Cuts, scraps, diaper rash, dry skin, chapped skin, whatevs.  Me too. I use it for everything.  I buy it by the tub. At Costco. And I’m encouraged by our pediatrician to do this. Zeta had a skin irritation and I told him I’d been putting Aquaphor on it. You know what he said? “Perfect.” And then wrote me a prescription for something else. But still. It was perfect until I could get the stronger stuff.

So what’s your miracle cure-all?