Make Mine a Double

I have managed to spend most (OK, possibly all) of the last two weeks in some state of inebriation. From nicely buzzed to completely plastered or 3 sheets to the wind as my mother liked to say. Also? most of the past two weeks my kids have been really great! There were hardly any crazy meltdowns, crying fits, knock-down, drag out fights or whining. Except from me, of course. We are on vacation so the rules are pretty slack which makes for happy kids and easy bedtimes. Another thing? The kids were too happy swimming all day and seeing all their old friends to be bratty. Even Jemima was a little trooper and slept well and went with the program.

So of course I decided to push the situation. And on our last night in San Diego I set up a dinner out with 2 other couples, one of whom has two kids of their own. My girls were extremely tired from swimming all day and also a little hopped up from junk food and running around the backyard like crazed maniacs for hours. A sit down dinner really wasn’t the best choice I could have made.

First of all, they didn’t want to get out of the pool, get dressed and leave their buddies so we could get to the restaurant. And frankly, neither did I. You see I had spent several hours in my bathing suit, sipping (read: pounding) white wine and champagne with my wonderful host and a friend. I was quite comfortable on my lounge chair talking about men, sex and dating. I didn’t want to have to get my lazy ass up, dressed and out the door.

You see I was drunk before I even got to the restaurant. But once I arrived I quickly ordered a pomegranate margarita. Just dig this scene: Nita is whining and crying for her blankie (Zeta insists she’ll have it with her at college and I’m inclined to agree); Zeta was complaining about her food choices and being loud; Jemima found the white rocks that were conveniently located behind her and began banging them on the pictures hanging on the wall next to her and hurling them at the table. Me? I was cowering in the corner drinking that margarita as fast as I could.

My friends kept suggesting I drink more, and I kept saying (too loudly, I am sure) that I was drunk when we arrived! It was quite a scene, really. I’m sure people at nearby tables (and my own) were appalled. I was dropping F bombs and other four letter words like a sailor and there were quite a few children around. But our friends? Were great! No one told me to simmer or zip it (except Big Daddy, but that’s his job) and they all said how great our kids are! If you don’t have friends that will lie to you like that, I feel bad for you.  Especially our friends who don’t have children! I mean they aren’t even supposed to slightly get it, but they do! They know that under the whining, rock throwing, climbing under the table and complaining, there are good children. They had a lot of patience for our crazies. Meanwhile there was the sweetest 4 year old boy who I am sure didn’t know what to make of my 3 crazy broads. And he is big brother to the most adorable 2 week old little girl who slept through all of (my and) the kids shenanigans.

It didn’t help that our waiter forgot the kids’ meals. But? Once the macaroni and cheese arrived and the blood sugar levels started to level off, the kids behaved a bit better. Also? We promised them we’d go to the carnival we passed before we went home. So the evening ended with over priced kiddie rides and trying to knock over tin cans with a softball. It was a lot of fun and my kids know now that carney games are a scam.  See? I educate them even when we’re having fun. Such a good mom. Even 3 sheets to the wind.