The Happiest Place on Earth

Remember when you went shopping at Ikea before you had kids? For things like wine glasses and rugs. Pretty duvet covers and delicate lamps for your bedside. Maybe some coffee and ginger snaps? Yeah, those were the days. Remember also how you would walk by the child care room? You’d see all those little kids with numbers on their chests or backs like miniature prisoners. There would be 10 of them in the ball pits just losing their damn minds. Diving in on top of the other kids and beaming the balls at each other? And you’d think to yourself, “Who the Hell would leave their poor defenseless child in there? With all that spit, piss and god knows what else on those balls? What kind of parent just dumps their kid in a place like this?!” Yeah.

Now? Sometimes I go to Ikea just to leave the kids in the playroom. While I sit and have a cup of coffee for an hour or hide in the nursing room. Also? I think this is the best idea going. My kids love it! And those disgusting balls in the ball pit? They will build up their immune systems.  What’s a little spit and piss among kids? Nothing out of the ordinary, that’s what!

Seriously, why don’t they have these play rooms at grocery stores and hair salons? There should be one at every mall or at least in the department stores. I would pay for this service. To be able to shop in peace and take my time. To be able to check the measurements of things and think about how it would look in my house. I’d pay for that. And the kids are happy too.  Except at the Ikea in Renton where only 3 and 4 year olds are allowed in the ball pit. My girls were none too happy with that bit of news.

What do I shop for now? Oh, such exciting things! Like plastic bowls, cups and plates in rainbow colors and a doormat that is made of something similar to astroturf in the hopes that when the kids wipe their feet on it, the dirt and debris will actually stay outside.

It’s amazing how much things change after you have kids.