Suck It

OK, it’s Confessions of  a Suburban Housewife time. My minivan is a fucking mess. I mean to tell you, it’s disgusting.  Dirt, grass, twigs, rocks, shells and all manner of outdoor debris are on the floor of the van.  There are also crumbs from a wide variety of foods on the seats, Jemima’s carseat, the big girls’ booster seats. There are also crumbs jammed in the crevices of the seats.  There is even a half eaten chicken nugget on the floor and more than a few french fries.  There are crayons, barrettes, shoes, jackets, dirty socks, papers, mail and toys all over the van.

You see I haven’t had this car washed once in the 7 months we have lived here. I have vacuumed it exactly one time. Well, Big Daddy vacuumed it, but the point is, it was done once  and that was 3 months ago.  I do take out the trash and plethora of clothing, toys and miscellaneous items every few days.  However, they accumulate faster than I can get them out.

So you are getting the picture, yes? The disgusting and gag-inducing picture. Well, the family was out driving in this grossness on wheels going from yard sale to yard sale when we just happened to come upon a car wash. Now this is a car wash I have driven by many times. But this time, I happened upon the back of the car wash and saw free standing vacuums.

We were actually turning around in the parking lot to go to another garage sale when we saw the vacuums.  Big Daddy and I were absolutely giddy with the idea of getting all this crap up off the floor and seats of our van. And? These vacuums read “Tornado” on them! Now that sounds like some powerful suction.

We immediately pulled up to a vacuum and kicked all the girls out of the van. Got the car seat and boosters on top of the van and moved all the clothes, toys, shoes, socks, etc onto the driver and passenger seats. And then the powerful tornado sucking began! I cannot tell you how powerful this was. I saw all kinds of unidentifiable things sucked up in seconds.  Every bit of grass and dirt, the tiniest of crumbs, broken crayons and god knows what else from every crack and crevice, gone.

Ahhh, what a feeling. The girls came bounding over from where they were playing, so excited to see how clean the van was. It’s still a mess and needs a good washing to the outside and of course the carpet and upholstery could use a real cleaning. But this? This is a good start! I won’t be quite so embarrassed on Tuesday when Nita’s teachers come to get her out of the van.

I wonder if I could have one of these installed in the garage.