Save the Drama for Your Mama

Because I have 3 daughters the drama in this house is way too much. Yes, I’m assuming and yes, I’m generalizing. Two things no one should do.  But, I don’t have sons (obviously), so you Mamas of boys please tell me: is there this much drama all the time with your boys?!

There is an unprecedented amount of screaming and crying in this house. And I’m not talking about mine (although that is a record high). Nor am I referring to the speaking-in-a-very-loud-voice screaming. (There is A LOT of that going on too) No, I’m referring to the 1940s-film-noir-woman-sees-an-alien type screaming. Over NOTHING. Over things like seeing a tiny bug or not getting to use the red bowl. Again. Let’s be clear here. I am talking blood-curdling screaming. The kind that makes you think Norman  Bates must have a knife on one of the girls in the shower!  They’ve even got the little one shrieking. Unconscionable.  Of course there is also the volume 100 screaming when they are excited about something. Like, oh, popsicles in the freezer. OMG! How am I going to make it to 50 without getting some sort of hypertension-related disease?

There is also the crying. Over nothing. Over everything.  Seriously, there is no way boys do this crap. It is so high drama.  And most of the time the tears are fake! Fake, manipulative tears streaming down the cheeks of my 6 year old. You know how I know for certain they are fake? She told me. That’s right. She’s a precocious one, my Zeta, but not smart enough to keep her pride in check. She had to brag to her mom. She told me she opens her eyes real big and stares, unblinking until the tears come. WTF? Is this just something she was born with? Who thinks to do this? Of course I knew they were fake. But her father (oh men and their fear of female tears!) falls for it every time. “But look at the tears, Trish. She’s really crying.” Well, d’uh. How do you think I got you to marry me and agree to that third kid?! (Oh, maybe I just answered my own question. Maybe it’s genetic).  What the hell are they going to talk him into in the coming years? An all expense paid Spring Break vacation to Mazatlan?

Do boys cry out “It’s not fair” and sort of swoon to the floor whenever they feel the slightest injustice? Do brothers fight over everything from whose turn it is on the computer to who gets the red bowl? And then when they don’t win the fight do they bawl uncontrollably? I just don’t see it happening. It seems to me boys would hit each other and be done with it. And at this point, I think I’d prefer that. As long as there wasn’t a bunch of screaming and crying afterwards.

And the pounding  up the stairs and slamming the door. And throwing things! What is up with this crap? It’s like a mix of a two year old throwing a tantrum and Betty Davis in Now, Voyager. Get over yourself, kid. Bring it down a few notches. Simmer the fuck down! I wonder if there is any way to nip this drama in the bud. I can only imagine what is going to go on when they are teenagers. The doors will probably come off the hinges from the slamming and the neighbors will call the police or Child Protective Services, from the screaming. Ah, good times ahead.