I’m glad you are trying to figure it out for your girls. Just like we don’t live in a post racial society, we don’t live in a post sexist one either. There are so many mixed messages and it becomes uber complicated with all the forms of media that we are exposed to today.

I have always had a hard time with no and it has been impossible at times with boys. I still struggle because I’m still dating but I’ve learned a few things.

I think later, I overdid “NO” and boundaries with the good guys that I dated, trying to overcompensate for the ones with which I failed.

I’m curious about this though because I grew up with conservative parents who thought I shouldn’t kiss a boy until I was 16! Needless to say in my mind I distorted everything and thought it was okay to have premarital play if I was “IN LOVE”. Which only serves to complicate my perception of reality. But my point is we both have had boundary issues with boys, regardless of the message that our parents gave us.

So where does that leave us. Acknowledging that it is something that has happened to a lot of us. Maybe it’s not only telling your girls about “NO”. Maybe it’s telling them about the different agenda that boys have. I think “Saturday Night Fever” is a pretty powerful example. “Do you wanna be a good girl or do you want to be a who-wir(whore).” Maybe address the issue of the safety of home and family and that everyone will not love and respect you in the outside world. It’s more than sex, it’s about give and take and being heard. Reciprocity in respect.

Brava! Keep up the good work!

And first of all, what happened was in no way you’re fault. You were clearly not a willing participant.

In other cases, I have to think that some of our reluctance to say NO is somehow programmed into our collective female consciousness.

Sounds ridiculous maybe? I just don’ know the answer. Trying to figure it out for myself too.

Love you.