We’re a Happy Family

Do you ever just sort of lose your shit? For a not very good reason? Yeah. That happened to me today. We all went to the Children’s Library for what I had imagined to be a fun family outing. Right there was my first mistake. I should know better than to set any expectations. The most I can hope for is one of them doesn’t set fire to the building. I’ll probably have to revise that as they get older. Like one of them doesn’t get arrested for setting fire to the building.

Anyway, things were actually going really well. Jemima was sitting at a table playing with an age appropriate puzzle, relatively quietly; Zeta was in her section intensely looking for 22 Rainbow Fairy books and Nita was bringing me book after book to read to her. But where was the daddy? On the computer looking for books for himself. OK, maybe you are asking yourself “so what?” Well, I’ve been putting off taking all 3 to the library cause they are a handful. Sure, things were going well but we’d been there for 3.5 minutes. It was only a matter of time before the proverbial shit hit the fan.

Sure enough, Jemima climbed down from her little stool and took off at top speed screeching in the general direction of everyone else and all the other books. Nita started taking books off shelves at random and cramming them back in on random shelves. At this point, Daddy walks over and tells me he is going to go upstairs and get a couple books. I plead with him with my eyes “NO, NO, NO! 100 times NO! Can’t you see it’s starting to fall apart? How can I chase Jemima, keep her quiet and help Nita reshelve the books??” But, being a man he doesn’t read that in my eyes and sets off for upstairs. The the grown-up library.

I know, I know. Why didn’t I just tell him I wanted him to stay and help out? Because I had told him I had been putting off taking all 3 because it was too much for me. Also? I’m a chick. I wanted him to want to stay with us. I was picturing him sitting and reading to the baby, helping the bigger girls choose books. A real Norman Rockwell type scene.  See? Shouln’t have expectations.

So up he goes and things start to fall apart. Not crazily so, just enough. Enough to send this overwhelmed, slightly mentally ill mom over the edge. He’s upstairs and I’m trying to help the big girls do the self check out for their mountain of books and dvds and keep Jemima from banging on the fish tank. Turns out they have late fees. So I’m trying to juggle books, baby and dig for a few dollars while the line behind us gets longer and longer.

Daddy saunters down with his chosen books and I shoot daggers at him from my eyes. Because we’ve been married for 11 years, he completley ignores the daggers. He tells me he’s going to do the self check out and genius that he is,  walks over the the printer queue. ha ha. After I finally get all the books, dvds and children rounded up and pay all fines, I walk over to Daddy and tell him he is not at the self check out computer. I snatch his books and card and march over to the self check out and take care of it myself. Cause that is what we women have to do! Right ladies?

And this is where the meltdown really begins. We walk out to our van and I let loose. Why? Cause I’m nuts. I over react. I want so much for everyone to just know what I want and need and to do it! Meet my expectations, people!! And do it happily and willingly!!! Fuck and why not? Doesn’t he open his drawers everyday and have clean clothes? Isn’t there always deodorant, soap and tooth paste at his disposal?? Not to mention clean towels. Doesn’t he walk in to find dinner cooking, clean kids and a clean house (shut up)? Does he have to ask me to do these things? And I do tell him I’m feeling overwhelmed. I don’t have much time without at least one child unless it’s when I’m sleeping. I’m not a complete  mystery. I make it pretty clear what I’m after.

So I let loose. Went a little nuts and had a hissy fit. So what? I think I should be allowed. In the end all was fine. He understood. We made up. All is right in the world. Until the next time I snap.